Journey - The Next Chapter of History

So the last post brought us through to a very strange period of my life.  I had been part of a poly family as the secondary member (a very vulnerable place to be) and out to being able to maintain a friendship.  We are still friends fifteen years later, and keep in touch over the distance through the magic of Facebook.

During this period of my life I was being thoroughly "therapized."  My major depression had come to a head at the end of that relationship and I came to understand how fucked up I really was.  (Putting this in the past tense, because: "Before therapy I was a needy codependant depressive; I'm a lot more comfortable with that now.")

I was also dating and trying to meet someone to help me find a happiness that my disease was keeping me from feeling.  As well as real dating there was a lot of sex, mostly anonymous or very casual.  The dating relationships weren't lasting past the first or second date.

Eventually a friend and paramour stayed around for a little while.  He was bisexual and his wife was open to him exploring that with me.  I was friends with them both until shortly after it started, when I found out that their marriage was very unstable.  (Poly doesn't solve existing relationship issues.)  She left him and their boys very abruptly, and he had a complete meltdown.  I was there for him emotionally as much as he would let me.  We stayed off-again, on-again playing and experimenting with a lot of different kinks.  Over time, he developed significant feelings for me that were more than he could handle.  "I'm breaking up with you because I fell in love with you."  The strangest ending I have ever experienced.  We stayed friends for a while, but there was always a strain there.

So that was the point where I gave up on love for a while and satisfied myself with friendships and casual sex, keeping both of those worlds rather separate.