Trust and Confidence

Can you trust someone?  When do you start trusting someone?  How much can you trust someone with?  These are questions that we all struggle with all of the time.  I tend to pigeon-hole people into two categories when it comes to their ability to trust.  Some people trust immediately until they are given a reason to doubt that initial trust.  Other people reserve trust initially until they are given a reason to extend that trust.  In reality we are all a complex blend of the two extremes.

For me, the amount of trust I extend to someone initially depends on how I meet them.  If it's someone I meet at work, then I can usually trust their opinions, skills and ethics relating to work.  If I meet them through a trusted friend, then I will extend a fairly high level of trust to that person on personal matters.

I don't often trust my personal life to coworkers, there's too much risk of gossip affecting my work environment.  I also wouldn't ever trust specific details about my work to anyone who doesn't work there.  There are business ethics to consider.

Over the course of a friendship, or as one is building a relationship there will undoubtedly be breaches of trust.  It happens.  All the time.  We discuss them, we work through them, or we end the friendship/relationship.

Once a trust issue has been discussed, it's not necessarily reasonable to ask that person to change their entire behavior pattern to suit your boundaries.  You simply need to reach an understanding of what you can or cannot trust the other person with.  Trust isn't an all or nothing thing.  Sometimes trust gets broken so badly that it can't be mended, and that's sad.  Usually you can find some way to recover if you are willing to try and to adjust your expectations.

If one of your friends is chronically late to everything you plan, then you can trust that person to be late the next time you plan something.  Just be aware of that fact of their behavior and adjust accordingly.

If you can't trust someone to keep a level head when confronted with a difficult topic, then don't bring that topic up or be prepared for that person to overreact.

If someone shares information that you shared with that person in confidence, then you need to stop sharing secrets with that person.  Or, you can give it another chance after you explain your feelings and listen to their side.  Maybe.

Trust is about knowing someone, knowing who they are and how they behave.  Healing trust is about compromise, adjusting and setting boundaries.