Feeling Loved or Not

The last several days have been rough. I've been having financial hardships and transportation issues.  When these things happen our true colors emerge.  I became rather depressed and found out from my counsellor that Foxie and JO were intending to send me to the hospital involuntarily.  My counsellor did NOT agree.  I didn't go home after the appointment and sought refuge with friends.  Why the fuck do I need refuge from my pack?

Tonight it finally came to me... the last few days what I really needed was simply to feel Love.  I got that from the Gryphon, the Dragon, and the German Shepard.  I get that from the Bunny, too, and also from the Roo.  A tentative love from the Golden Retriever...  so why not from Foxie?

I think it isn't possible.  Some people are missing the ability to Love.  Some will always see Love as a commodity to be bartered.  Some are capable of Love and lose the ability under stress (when it is most needed.)

I am not sure which of these affects Foxie, but it is something I need in any relationship.  I have felt more more Love from Omega over text message than I have ever felt from Foxie.

Does this mean my poly pack is going to change shape?  You bet your life it is!

If I can't be Loved by a packmate when I most need it, then it isn't a relationship.  I need to stop pretending that there can be Love when it just isn't there.

Someone New

So, it has been a month since the last post.  The pack has been doing okay, including the improvements in my relationship with m' Foxie Boi.  It seems that as soon as there's a bit of stability, an event will occur to shake things up.  This time it has turned my perspective around 180° and tipped it upside-down.

Entering the picture is my new interest, young Mr. Omega.  I could gush and go on and on about how sweet, loveable, adorable, compassionate, sexy, sensitive, spiritually centered and genuinely nice he is for hours.  I won't, but I will say that all of it is true and it isn't just the "Disney Chemicals"  talking.

So far, the rest of the pack seem genuinely happy, though I know a shift in the balance may be harder fo r some than others.

I can only ke ep lines of communication open and hope it's all okay.